It is, in fact, deafening.

I’m currently on the receiving end of the silent treatment. Needless to say, it’s weird to have someone you lived with for ten years be completely unwilling to acknowledge your existence. Weirder still when among the last things they said to you were, “How do you want to proceed?” and “I’m happy to meet.” That was three months ago. I’d like to think I’ve been patient, but I’m hurt. Not to mention frustrated. This probably isn’t a great place to air those feelings, but some days it’s hard to be happy about profiteroles when other parts of my life are so sad.

Happiness for all?

I feel like people often approach happiness as if it’s finite, a limited resource in need of conservation. Happiness is not a zero-sum game, though: if other people are happy, that doesn’t preclude you from being happy too. Yet, if we’ve been wronged by someone else or if they have something we covet, it can feel like our happiness and theirs are mutually exclusive. If they’re happy, we may believe that our own happiness is contraindicated. That’s crap. We’re tied together, that I do believe, but we’re not tied together like that, stuck on some screwed up seesaw of animosity. Besides, being happy for people who haven’t been nice to us may be the final word in forgiveness. I’m not there every day, but I’m working on it.

IV cleaning

Blessed with a surprise day off, I am cursing myself with a cleaning spree.

My motivation: frustration

My goal: the refrigerator, the garage, the room I never go in… everything

My soundtrack: Led Zeppelin IV

Wish me luck!!

Acts of kindness

After days of pretty relentless complaining, something really awesome happened to me last night. I got home late, totally worn out and found a package in the mailbox. The girlfriend of the friend I called freaking out the other day sent me a present and a really nice card. It was truly the nicest thing anyone’s done for me in a long time. A much-needed reminder that the world is full of nice people. ❤

“It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.” – Anonymous

Help!

I had some people over for dinner a few weeks ago. Towards the end of the night, one of my friends, someone I’ve known for years, offered to help with the dishes. I brushed him off, saying I could handle it, which is a very typically me thing to do. Then, in a very typically him thing to do, he kindly told me that I need to be better at asking for help and accepting it when it’s offered. I laughed and said I’d just read an article about that. Another typically me response. But, I let him help and, well after midnight, once everyone was gone, I was grateful that I could go to bed with a clean kitchen…

So, this morning, when I got some very upsetting news, I did something completely out of character and called my friend. That’s a big deal for me. I’m a really private person – like I’ve said before, my hope for this blog is that it’ll help me deal with that impulse. But, even though I’ve gotten A LOT better at showing weakness and asking for help, I’m still not the girl who calls someone at work hyperventilating and hysterically crying.

At least, not until today.

Huey Lewis needs time to create.